ADHD on a train ride
So here I am, on a train ride, visiting my home after a few months, for Holi. I am on official leave from my work and its supposed to be a chill af day, with a lot of relaxation, and mental peace.
Well yeah, tough luck.
Now I don’t want to self diagnose myself as ADHD, even though a lot of people have commented me to be so, but we don’t really do diagnosis in India (cause well, mental health is a myth, and waking up early is the only thing you need to solve all your problems, guess what I already wake up at 5 fucking AM, and I still have issues, so fuck that theory at the very least.)
Anyway, as you can see from my other posts and also this post as well, I find it super hard to focus my attention on anything for a long time, a long time here just means 2 mins, which is super weird, because while I have the attention span of a goldfish, I also like to read books a lot, and not tiny, smutty YA romance (even though that is my favorite ) but also dense fiction or hard core sci-fi ( Asimov’s Foundation trilogy has become a recent obsession, only to be devoured in its entirety in a few days, with nothing left to fill the void ). And reading books like this needs attention, a LOT of attention, and somehow I am able to spend an entire day reading books, but not able to spend like 10 mins alone with myself, in a fucking train ride to home.
In the last 40 mins of sitting in this train, I have, read parts of a book from my kindle, did some work from office ( on my leave day, by myself, cause well ), and then due to the slow internet speed retired myself to pouring my thoughts on this website, to fucking calm myself down a bit. All the while also twirling around with my phone and changing songs like every 2 mins.
Yeah, ADHD much
It kinda makes it hard to be around other people, when you just can’t sit by and just exist. I am pretty sure I am coming off as a bit of crackpot to the people around me, but oh well, hello strangers, I’ll never meet again.
I sometimes feel I should get this diagnosed, it doesn’t feel normal, and idk how much it affects my normal life, my mental peace, my personal and professional life and well everything else. It might be why I have found it terribly hard to focus inside any classroom, why I can’t learn from any live teacher, and why I have a tendency of becoming addicted to my mobile phone if I start using it for longer ( I actively supress it a lot ) .
It feels a bit hard to deal with this, while also managing a lot of things in your life, but also sometimes it helps, because it develops the ability to multi-task a lot more than the average Joe, but then there is the whole debate about deep work and multi-tasking, so not really sure what the tradeoff is there as well.
Well anyway, enough ranting in a train, should go back to civilization.
Until the next one !
Originally published on Medium.
